Between Mizukage and Tobi
by Lucillia
Summary: Nobody knew what Madara was up to in the time between being the Mizukage's puppet master and his first appearance as Tobi, until now that is. Unrelated Oneshots, multiple crossovers. AU.
1. Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor

Madara refurled the scroll that was the end result of more than a decade of research. The Sage of the Six Paths had hidden the artifact he was looking for on another world in a frozen wasteland near a fortress of some sort. After a decade of searching, he had found a way to that world.

After a complicated series of seals had been drawn in a variety of substances and the proper handseals had been made to activate them, Madara found himself standing on a grassy field in front of a rather strange looking fortress that stood between a lake and a forest. Rather than being the frozen hell described in the Sage's writings, it was sunny and warm. The sky was a rather nice cloudless blue rather than the ominous gray he'd read about.

He surveyed the small hilly field in which he stood in order to gain his bearings. It had been several centuries since his ancestor had buried the artifact, and the landscape would have changed considerably since that time. In those centuries, the lake near the fortress which itself could have expanded could have expanded or receded. The woodline for the forest could have moved several times, and the trees that had been used as landmarks could have been felled by either man or nature. The small hill he was standing on wasn't listed in his ancestor's writings either.

It would take a while to find what he was looking for.

&!&!&!&

"Oh thank Merlin!" Albus Dumbledore exclaimed when he'd looked out the window and found a complete stranger standing around on the lawn. As the muggles would say, "His prayers had been answered". Getting up from the desk, he raced outside before the man could decide to conclude whatever business he came on be it for good or ill.

He'd been fearing that he would have to hire the person the Ministry had chosen for the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor after the sole applicant had been arrested for performing unethical experiments on muggles. He wouldn't have minded too much if the Ministry had selected say, an Auror who was loyal to Fudge, but the Minister had selected that odious Umbridge woman instead. He knew that he shouldn't play favorites or particularly like or dislike certain students, but...Umbridge had been on his list a couple places below Tom Riddle.

If he didn't manage to persuade the man to consider taking a year out of his busy life to pursue the honorable career of educating future generations, he would be stuck with Umbridge. In order to do so, he would have to catch him first. He could have Snape brew the appropriate behavior modification potions if need be.

&!&!&!&

When the old man raced out of the fortress and in his direction, he'd instinctively grabbed a couple shuriken from a side pouch. He stopped himself from throwing them when he noticed that the man was not approaching him in a threatening manner, and appeared to be overjoyed to see him for some strange reason. He would wait to see what the incredibly ancient man wanted, and if he made any threatening moves, he would kill him.

When the man reached him, he started babbling in an unfamiliar language. He told the man that he couldn't understand him, but he was sure that the old man wouldn't be able to understand him.

"Ah, fortunately I speak Japanese." the man said.

"What do you want?" he asked, deciding to get right to the point.

"Well, I would like you to come to my office where we can discuss the possibility of you taking some time out of your busy life in order to educate the next generation." the man said with a twinkle in his bright blue eyes, eyes that were studying him in a calculating manner.

This opportunity couldn't have come at a better time, and naturally he was suspicious. He would have to figure out what the old man was planning, and outmaneuver him accordingly. He needed time to find what he was searching for, and this would give him what he needed, as well as a legitimate excuse for being here.

It wasn't as if he didn't have any teaching experience. It was the duty of all Uchiha to pass their knowledge on to future generations. He and Izuna had trained a bunch of brats together. They had all preferred Izuna for some strange reason...

&!&!&!&

Harry Potter headed into the classroom for his first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson with some trepidation. So far, every last one of his Defense Against the Dark Arts professors had either tried to kill him, arrange for him to be killed, or erase his memory. Third year had been an accident, but still...

The old man who was their professor had been conspicuous at the staff table only due to the fact that he was both new, and eating something completely different from what was being served at the feast. A few students - especially one who had spent all last year bragging about his trip to Asia - stared at his meal jealously, finding the feast somewhat lacking compared to a meal that seemed to consist of rice topped with meat and vegetables, and an entire tray of some small golden-brown things which Hermione had said were "Inarizushi" that the old man had gobbled down almost greedily.

In the two days since then, he hadn't seen hide nor hair of the man who preferred to dress in a black cloak with red clouds on it.

As he had arrived at the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom before Hermione and Ron, he took a seat that was neither too close to the front of the room as Hermione would insist on, or too close to the back as Ron would insist on. There was a bunch of foreign writing already up on the board, and the only thing he could half make a guess at was the date, since there was a number nine and a number three placed amongst what looked to be Chinese symbols. Knowing his luck, it would be about the textbook that had been assigned since it hadn't been listed in this year's letter, or about this week's homework assignment.

As soon as it was time for class to start, the teacher entered and slammed the door behind him. He then vanished, and re-appeared at the front of the class. After the interesting display which had caused Hermione to go into fits about the possibility of someone Apparating inside Hogwarts, the man took roll, mangling all of their names in the process.

Once roll was called, the man gestured for them all to follow him, and led them out to the Quiddich pitch. Once they were all assembled, the man pulled something that looked like a knife out of his robes.

"Dodge!" Professor Uchiha yelled before throwing the knife at them.

Several more knives and what looked like throwing stars from a martial arts action movie that Dudley had watched like a million times followed. After one student got clipped with one of the weapons and started bleeding, the group scattered, not wanting to get hit.

"I just wish he'd get it over with and try to kill me already." an out of breath Harry Potter moaned a half hour later. Ron and Hermione nodded in agreement.

&!&!&!&

"Run you little bastards, run!" Madara yelled as he hurled another couple of shuriken at a speedy little bastard who - besides the eyes - would not have looked too out of place in his former clan. By the time the year was out, these soft little civilians would be able to defeat any one of the graduates from any of the ninja academies in open combat, or they would die trying.

"Did I say you could lay down? Get up and start running with the rest of them! You just earned yourself ten more laps around the arena after class!" He yelled as he hurled a kunai just a hair to the left of a pudgy little brat who had collapsed in exhaustion, causing the child to find the energy to shoot to his feet. Several more kunai got the child running along with the rest of the pack.

Damn. He'd forgotten how much fun teaching was.


	2. Training Trip

A training trip had been just the thing to get himself back in shape after several sedentary years sitting around the Mizukage's office controlling his every action. The fact that he'd found himself in another world at one point was immaterial, as he was certain he would find his way back home when he wanted to. The plans he put into motion could continue without his presence for another two years or so.

As he was wandering around a rather unusual set of training grounds in a place that was called China, he got knocked into the water by a boy and a man who blew past him on their way to train further in.

"Not good." said the caretaker of this particular training field as he pulled himself out of the water and dried himself off. "You just fell into the spring of the drowned idiot."


	3. Killing a Certain Dinosaur

Madara shuddered as he ran from the studio in which the vortex had spat him out as fast as his legs could carry him. It wasn't fast enough, because he'd gotten that horrifying song sung by that purple creature stuck in his head.

"I love you, you love me..."

It was so cloying that it made him feel ill.

He had tried to get the song out of his head for over two hours and had finally been successful moments before he passed a school playground in the strange city he had found himself in. At least he assumed it was a school playground since it was the same basic shape as some of the ones he'd seen attached to the schools for civilians in the larger and more prosperous cities and towns on the Elemental Continent, and there were a bunch of children playing on it. The only other thing he could think of it being was some sort of juvenile detention center similar to the one that used to house Konoha's Genin rejects who refused to integrate into normal society before Shimura Danzo had scooped them all up and dumped them into Root.

As he passed the playground, he heard the tune that had been torturing him for hours.

That was it. Those kids were so dead, and when he found a way off of this world, it was so destroyed.

It was as he was contemplating the exact manner in which he would murder the brats who were singing as most of the methods he used in his own world were much quicker than the brats deserved for their crime that he heard the exact lyrics that the kids were singing, and they weren't exactly the lyrics to the song which had tormented him.

"I hate you, you hate me, let's gang up and kill Barney..."

Yes. That did sound like a good idea.

A week later, the studio that filmed Barney and Friends was stormed by Uchiha Madara who was followed by a mob of children and pre-teens who had been forced to watch or at the very least listen to the stupid show because there were younger children in the house.

Millions of children across the land hailed Uchiha Madara as a hero who had preserved their sanity.

&!&!&!&!&

**Author's Note:** For those of you who are wondering where the hell this came from, I found myself remembering a certain song from my elementary school days, and the show that had spawned it. The idea of Madara killing Barney was just too good to pass up.


End file.
